Public oh Public Speaking

I might be good at writing but speaking in front of people is still something big for me. Actually, it quite bothers me if people pay attention to me.

Speaking of which, I'm not great in public speaking. I used to be good enough to lead meeting but now I look like a crumpled paper which hides everything inside and will be revealed if people wanna get closer and take a peek. I used to roar so loud so sharp so deep leaving black holes to everyone I dislike and I've just realized it this early month I was that blunt after a best friend of mine saying that ugh ugly truth to me.

However, that honesty pushing me to regain all those times and put it back some clear pieces into my head. Then, I try to puzzle it by myself.

Once. Well, okay, pretty often. I used to be bad enough everytime I opened my mouth or slipped into a discussion. I was mean enough to burn all disagreement by telling what only makes sense for me, forgot that every story has two sides and it's important to give chance people. I used to be extremely ignorant even to think what people think. Obviously, people would consider me as a young stupid bitch who's craving for freedom. After years, I guess I was an idiot. Living separately in a world I built alone. 

Yet, what I am now? I'm so full of insecurity. Public speaking just makes me crazier and anxious about the feeling of people who listen to me. Just a matter of time, palmar hyperhidrosis will be coming back and ruin everything.

Spare me some love to learn about you, oh public speaking, oh chef!

Lourdes Florentine M

Aku tak lebih dari seorang perempuan biasa dengan segala kekurangan di ruang dan waktu yang tak ingin kukenal dalam kebisuanku.